hopeistrue: How the trainer looks: How the other girls look and then there is me
people my age are getting pregnant and married and i can’t even order a pizza over the phone
When people you don’t know are at your house
kidouyuuto: last year my chemistry teacher dropped something and yelled “zoo wee mama” and i laughed so hard i passed out and i woke up in the nurses office
trelyon: If zombies ever attack just go to Costco… they have concrete walls… years of foods and supplies… and best of all the zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership card
populardad: there is a difference between people who are smart and people who get good grades
willsmith420: sonnys-sexy-dance: pale-quadrant: i just realized why malls are called malls omfg why go to one store, when you could go to them all GASP
gohn-jegbert: have you ever had that moment where you see police officers and try not to look suspicious even though you didnt do anything and you end up looking like you just murdered ten people
circletines: today in my religion class we were talking about gay marriage and my teacher said “gay people arent allowed to get married because in the eyes of the church marriage is meant for people to have children” and then i asked why women who were unfertile and therefore couldnt have children could get married and she was like “uhhh” and i dont knOW WHAT CAME OVER ME BUT I LITERALLY YELLED...
apatheticghost: what i learned from school im a fucking piece of shit everybody else is also a fucking piece of shit mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
sarahperch: theclearlydope: I’M YOUR SONNNNNN! mattstopera: Kid Accidentally Steals Cup From Restaurant lmaooo this is my new favorite thing Hahahaha^!
dauntlessoldier: amexicanwithamustache: motherstrickle: partybarackisinthehousetonight: do catholics fail trigonometry because they’re afraid of sin do irish people fail trigonometry because they can’t tan does everyone else fail trigonometry just cos I finally paid enough attention in math to understand this text post
me at home: i've been wearing the same jeans and band shirt for the last three weeks but it still smells alright so i'll keep wearing it
me going away: I NEED ONE SHIRT FOR EACH DAY AND EXTRA IN CASE IT GETS DIRTY AND THE SAME AMOUNT OF JEANS AND SOCKS ACTUALLY NO I'LL NEED EXTRA SOCKS IN CASE IT FLOODS AND DOUBLE THE UNDERWEAR IN CASE OF DISASTER AND ONE NICE OUTFIT IN CASE I GET INVITED TO TEA WITH THE QUEEN
jinxley: “i will be grading this assignment for completeness not correctness”
When I think I have to sneeze but then I don't
Sometimes in class I just want to sit in a seat that someone else normally sits in to see how it affects the whole seating arrangement
volvata: when you had an appointment and got to leave during the middle of school it was always so fucking triumphant like “haha bye you dumb sons a bitches, i’m gonna go get my teeth cleaned and then eat mcdonalds. where you at”
Sometimes I try to care about school work. Then I check all my social media sites and before I know it I am watching videos of cats.
Everyone’s like I wish I had a Valentine and I’m all like I wish I had more Reese’s
Me: Do you want any help mom?
Mom: No thanks sweetie.
*5 minutes later*
Mom: HONEST TO GOD IT'S LIKE NONE OF YOU CARE AROUND HERE. IF I LEFT YOU FOR A WEEK I'D COME BACK AND YOU'D PROBABLY BE DEAD BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOURSELVES. HONESTLY I DO SO MUCH AND I'M NOT EVEN VALUED DO YOU EVEN CARE? NO YOU DON’T.
SHE HAS CHANGED
Old Taylor Swift: she wears high heels, I wear sneakers New Taylor Swift: He didn’t like it when I wore high heels, but I do
It's The Fricken Weekend Baby and I'm About To
go to bed a moderate time, watch a couple of movies, eat, and did I mention sleep?
aroihkin: freyjas: the-vashta-nerada: i find it pretty fucking inconsiderate that my grandchildren haven’t used time travel to visit me. and frankly, i’m a bit offended. AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU GRANDCHILDREN? WELL FUCK YOU MAYBE I WON’T EVEN HAVE KIDS AND YOU WON’T EXIST HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT what if we have tho what if we just didn’t know they were our grandkids what...
itsdivinedear: i’m home sick with the flu and i just received this email from my father
d0-it-for-the-story: selmabouvier: i haven’t been to subway in 2 years cos the woman went “what bread do you want” and i went “yeah”
Last night I took a big step in my life. I slept with my arm dangling off my bed, and it didn’t get eaten off by the monsters living under my bed
One time I was in the McDonald’s Drive Through and ordered a smoothie. The worker asked what size I wanted and I said Berry. Then I drove away.